Years ago, when I was still pursuing my divorce, I thought I’d never be happy again. I was overwhelmed with emotion; I felt like hell and thought it would never end.
At the time, my life was in such turmoil with an uncertain future if I’d ever be over my bad marriage and divorce.
If you’re planning to begin your divorce process, or you’re already in the middle of it, you can probably relate.
But at this point, I want you to know that there is a positive divorce, and sometimes divorce can be a good thing.
There’s a very pleasing quote credited to Marilyn Monroe that is quite insightful, having come from a whimsical blonde bombshell. Somewhere in the middle of her career, she said, “Sometimes, good things fall apart, so GREAT things can come together!” When it comes to divorce and the end of a relationship, society often tells us it is a bad thing, and most people don’t see any good thing in it.
Considering the divorce rate in the U.S. stands at about 40%, you’d think we’d be better at finding solutions to this fact rather than condemn those whose marriages fail. So, it’s always important to remember that with every ending comes a new beginning.
Rebirth in life
Divorce can be a great thing – it can end a painful situation. It can force you to take a good, hard look at your life and make firm decisions based on your own happiness rather than that of someone else. This phase in life can also force you to sit down and reflect on the mistakes you’ve made and what things you’ve learned through it all and choose what lessons you’ll pick as you start over after divorce and move forward with your life.
Sometimes the divorce isn’t the choice of many people. However, the eventual outcome after a person has digested the pain and passed through the grief can be empowering and transformational.
I realized that I’m the only person responsible for my own happiness
I realized that I’ll only attract a loving person when I begin to love myself first. This is among the many lessons that divorce taught me – and I’m grateful that I discovered these truths.
Divorce can be a good thing when:
You’re getting away from a chronic abuser
If you’ve been suffering from abuse; whether emotional or physical, divorce can be a good thing for you. Enduring untold pain in the hands of an unrepentant abuser is not always worth it. A person who knowingly continues to hurt you or your children shouldn’t be given more time to commit their acts.
Especially for women, leaving an abusive marriage is a frightening endeavor. The few months following the separation are always the most dangerous for the victim. Unfortunately, our culture strangely views divorce as the most egregious act anyone could commit and expects people to stay and fix what is broken. Divorce can get you out of this perpetual agony and allow you the option to save yourself, save your kids, and start living again.
You haven’t had sex in over a year
Sex is a beautiful and exciting gift. It is among the things that glue two married people even further. However, most married couples are living in sexless relationships for an extended period of time. Whatever the reasons for this predicament, you can start enjoying sex once again once you’re done with your divorce process.
You can’t remember the last time you smiled
Can you remember the last time you told yourself, “I’m happy,” and meant it? Misunderstandings and daily arguments with someone can be draining, especially if this person lives with you, and their image is the first and last thing you see each day. It can bring a peculiar exhaustion of life which can affect your whole outlook of life and everything around you.
If you’re living a miserable life, it’s only natural to take the opposite direction for the sake of your own happiness.
You no longer have any freedom
Some marriages feel like a burden to carry. Some couples cannot do anything unless their spouse approves of it. When you need to consult absolutely everything, then you need to reconsider your union. Divorce becomes inevitable if the marriage continuously makes you miserable no matter what you do.
It benefits the children
Children need good parenting in a safe and healthy environment. But when the marriage starts to fall apart, this may no longer be possible. Interestingly, some parents get along pretty well after they split; for the sake of their kids. Divorce affects kids differently. But once the kids are no longer exposed to the hostility once seen in the home, they benefit tremendously. The children benefit tremendously and are happier even though they’re not living with both parents. The children also learn that relationships can come to an end but they don’t have to end completely. In return, the kids will respect you, even more, when they see the civility in how you handled your marital problems.
You might not start feeling the transformation and empowering of divorce. You might still be reeling from the shock or even the intense emotions you may feel when life throws you a sliding curveball. Don’t beat yourself down. Give yourself some time and space to recover from this. Remember, that life never throws at you something you can’t handle. Once you learn to appreciate yourself and become self-reliant, you’ll begin to see yourself as a whole rather than half of a whole. With this, you’ll start to see life differently, realize, and pursue bigger dreams you never imagined.
With all this in mind, you should never feel ashamed about being divorced. Do I wish to have had a better marriage? Without a doubt! I still believe in marriage, where two whole and healthy people join together and vow to share things as they discover life together.