Entering into marriage everyone has “the perfect picture” of what their life is going to look like. In your mind you’ve already pictured the perfect faces of the 2.5 children you’ll have, you know what type of house you’re looking for, the car you’ll be driving, the best job and even the perfect labradoodle that will be sitting in front of the fireplace while you read bedtime stories to your children, who listen intently as you read every word, while sipping on hot chocolate… and not spilling a drop.
They fall asleep and you’re left with alone time with your perfect spouse who can’t help but stare at you in wonderment, so proud of every choice that you were forced to make throughout the day and eternally grateful that you’re a part of their life.
In your “perfect picture”, did you ever envision the word divorce? Did you picture fear, insecurities, lack of resources, and the unending thoughts of second guessing yourself; wondering how something pictured so perfect in your mind could turn into hateful thoughts, bitterment, and resentment? Most likely not. Why would it…after all the careful planning, mental mapping, and precise action you’ve taken to fulfill your life’s destiny. Why and how could something that was going to be so good turn into something so bad?!
This was not how you “pictured” your perfect life to be, yet, here you are. Traveling the disgraced road of divorce, the unexpected journey that only “others” take. Only to be reduced to a statistic.
When our plans don’t match our idyllic images of the perfectly framed pictures we have burned into our brains, we begin to feel like failures. This contagion spreads like wildfire throughout every aspect of our lives and manifests its ugly head in all areas that we “knew” it could never reach; our children, job performance, spiritual life, financial responsibilities, and even our self worth.
You look at your reflection in the mirror and don’t even know who you are anymore, it just does not match the picture you ever imagined for yourself.
These feelings are normal and it’s part of the grieving that you’ll encounter throughout the process of divorce. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and (yes, finally!) acceptance. Even though this picture may not be one you’ll want to frame, and probably isn’t even a picture you want to take in the first place, here you are. At times like these in our lives, it’s easy to feel alone and dejected and that our lives will never be “frame” worthy again.
Keep in mind that sometimes the most unexpected trips in our lives change us for the better. Years later you’ll reminisce about the discomfort of experiencing the sketchy itinerary of your unplanned trip and smile to yourself after remembering the unknown territory you pursued and the fulfillment you feel that you would have never known otherwise.
You’re stronger, smarter, braver and are so much more than you were in your perfect picture. Maybe it’s time to change your frame.
Did you get your picture of what a man is supposed to be, of what a woman is supposed to be of what success is of what fulfillment is of what did you get it from the word or the world? Because the Bible says that “By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the Word of God frame. And are you framing this season of your life with your faith or with your fear?– Pastor Steven Furtick