Your perception about marriage determines how long you can hold on should things stop working. While marriage provides a foundation for the spouses’ finances, sex life, companionship, and social aspects, a spouse can leave if unhappy. But, should one leave a marriage for lack of happiness?
Divorcing is a personal choice, but you need to hear other peoples’ perspectives as well. The roundup articles below will inform you whether it’s prudent to leave just because you’re unhappy and how to tell your spouse you need a divorce. Plus, you will learn why surviving spouses in unhappy marriages have fewer health issues than their counterparts in happy marriages.
Does your marriage have to be over or can you stay? Is it shameful to stay when you know you “Should” leave? Is it unfair to take advantage of what is working in your marriage when the love and romance aspects are not working?
These are some of the questions my clients ask me. Marriage provides a foundation for every aspect of our lives: sex, companionship, family, co-parenting, financial and social-not just love. If you look at marriage from a more historic and worldly view, placing love at the center of one’s life is absurd, makes no sense, and for some is even considered dangerous.
Here’s the thing: we made marriage up in the first place! Different cultures have made up different things and, as a result, there’s a large variety of rules on how to come together. Stay and change your perspective, stay and change the rules, stay for your own benefit and stay for your kids’ sake.
How you tell your husband, and what you tell him, are of critical importance because they will shape how the divorce unfolds. He is probably aware that you are unhappy but may not realize that you are so unhappy that you want a divorce. The more surprised or shocked he is, the longer it will take him to accept the divorce. You no longer believe it can be fixed and divorce is the only alternative you can envision. You are only willing to talk about how to organize the divorce.
The surviving spouse in an unhappy marriage is likely to have fewer health problems than a spouse who loses his or her partner in a happy marriage, a Yale study shows. “But we found losing a partner in a harmonious marriage puts you at greater risk of health problems. Your health care costs are lower if you are widowed in a discordant marriage.” The investigators then looked at the health care costs of married persons when compared to widowed persons and then looked at the health costs of widows and widowers from happy and unhappy marriages.
The marriages were characterized based on questions posed to the couples before widowhood – questions such as degree of marital satisfaction, love, and affection; frequency of thoughts of separation and divorce; frequency of disagreements and upset feelings about the marriage; the extent to which they would feel “lost” without their spouses, and frequency of being pushed, slapped or hit by a spouse. Health care costs for the surviving partners in happy marriages were $2,766 compared with $2,100 for surviving partners in unhappy marriages.
No marriage is perfect, but the couple in a good marriage receive many blessings. Contrary to the idea that good marriages are rare, recent research shows that the notion that only 50% of marriages last is a myth. There have been conflicts in marriage since the beginning because two imperfect people are not going to live in close quarters without disagreements and friction.
Solomon saw the bad side of marriage and still found it worth praising. It’s a warning for spouses to work on their marriages, being kind and meeting each other’s needs so that quarreling rarely happens.
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