I recently spoke to someone who was advised by a lawyer to engage in divorce coaching before hiring a divorce lawyer.
You might be wondering why, so we’re going to break it down and find out why divorce coaching is worth the investment (and if you’re not familiar with coaching, we’ll explain that too).
There are some differences between a Certified Divorce Coach and a life coach. We’ll try to answer some of those questions you might have about each throughout this article.
Looking at the first three months following a separation, most people will be going through it lacking a clear mental image of the whole experience. The memories become somewhat foggy, long blurry days are experienced, and even most nights. Many people facing a divorce from their spouse, someone they’ve counted on and loved for so many years before, don’t know where to turn or what to do.
Being overwhelmed with emotions and loneliness after divorce is common. Suddenly, everything you formerly had isn’t there anymore, and you wonder what your future life vision holds for you.
A costly part of most situations is that you’ll be asking your divorce attorney to help you through these issues. A divorce professional can take on many roles. Life & divorce coaching solutions usually isn’t one a divorce attorney undertakes as an area of expertise, yet they will bill you for their time if you continue to use them for these professionals for those services.
In Harriet Lerner’s book “The Dance of Connection,” she says “Perhaps nothing leaves us more vulnerable than the threat of relationship loss. When we are drowning in emotions, it is impossible to think creatively or clearly. We may think we’re thinking, but in reality, we’re just reacting.”
If the threat of relationship loss and fear of divorce makes us unable to think about a vibrant future, then this relationship loss has already happened. It leaves many people confused with overwhelming emotions and unable to make a conscious choice of reality and self.
During this period, it’s difficult for someone to think straight and make rational decisions even though the situation requires the person to make a multitude of decisions regarding your family, child custody, home, business, and even your future.
You’ll need to be making empowering decisions through all of your confusing emotions.
Loneliness, fear of being a single parent, and fear that one would never emotionally recover from this are some of the confusing emotions almost every one of you will face, as I have too. Even more, is the fear of being judged by other people for having a broken marriage and feeling like a complete failure.
Even when your mind is at its calmest, it often feels like you can’t let go of the million questions running wild –
I’m a coach working with others just like you contemplating a divorce or who have already started their journey separating from their spouse. More importantly, I’ve been divorced myself and experienced first-hand everything that we’re talking about here.
Believe me when I say that I asked myself every one of these questions and sometimes dwelled on them as well.
What I needed at the time was some kind of help to handle those emotions and anxiety, manage my days, and eventually learn how to move forward with my life.
Like many of you, luckily, I had friends and family that held my hand, called me several times and talked hours upon hours, and listened to me. Family and friends were a lifeline and I couldn’t have made it out without them.
However, they were not always impartial. Sometimes they would be angry on my behalf, they saw my struggles and would worry for me. Sometimes I needed them to back away and leave me alone. Sometimes I wanted to talk to someone who didn’t want to protect me “just because” and would give me some “tough-love” to move on.
What I needed at the time was someone who was independent, non-judgmental, and in whom I could confide my deepest worries and fears. Someone who would help me imagine a new and better future with all the changes in my life and motivate me to face the future head-on towards this new vision.
A certified divorce coach can help a person going through pre-divorce, divorce, and post-divorce issues.
This professional assesses a person’s personal situation to help them avoid procrastination and remove roadblocks that are preventing them from moving forward by implementing new strategies into their life.
A coach isn’t a replacement for a therapist though. Each has its own area of responsibility and knowledge.
The reason a family law attorney may recommend their clients to divorce coaches is that divorce coaches do the non-legal work that divorce law professionals typically don’t do, neither have the time to do or the specialty training to help their clients through this time of transition. Divorce lawyers recognize the crucial role coaches play, especially in areas of emotion, communication, and organization of issues that will eventually help a person get through the process successfully. Your attorney will continue to handle all legal aspects and giving you legal advice for your family situation.
Divorce recovery coaches are independent third parties of the divorce attorney. Their service throughout the divorce process will provide guidance, encouragement, advice, and motivation. The beauty of coaching a life through a divorce is that clients can choose what areas they want help making positive choices, including issues inherent in pre-divorce, divorce, and post-divorce stages.
During divorce coaching, while the case is front and center and in the midst of being decided, the investment you’re making in divorce coaching is to…
As a coach helping clients throughout the country, it’s always rewarding to experience that synergy with the coach-client-attorney relationship, and other professionals in the model of divorce.
Once you decide that the investment of divorce coaching is the best value you may ever realize by moving through divorce or separation with strength, resilience, dignity, and redefining your life once again.
The job of a divorce coach is to offer non-judgemental guidance in a safe environment so that you can focus on what really matters to you. They will help you evaluate your life, evaluate your choices, redefine yourself, and help you in creating your vision so that you can create the new and energetic future you deserve.
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