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Is the Cost of Divorce Coaching Worth the Investment?

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I recently spoke to someone who was advised by a lawyer to engage in divorce coaching before hiring a divorce lawyer.

You might be wondering why, so we’re going to break it down and find out why divorce coaching is worth the investment (and if you’re not familiar with coaching, we’ll explain that too).

There are some differences between a Certified Divorce Coach and a life coach. We’ll try to answer some of those questions you might have about each throughout this article.

The Process of Divorce Should Include Divorce Coaches

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Looking at the first three months following a separation, most people will be going through it lacking a clear mental image of the whole experience. The memories become somewhat foggy, long blurry days are experienced, and even most nights. Many people facing a divorce from their spouse, someone they’ve counted on and loved for so many years before, don’t know where to turn or what to do.

Being overwhelmed with emotions and loneliness after divorce is common. Suddenly, everything you formerly had isn’t there anymore, and you wonder what your future life vision holds for you.

A costly part of most situations is that you’ll be asking your divorce attorney to help you through these issues. A divorce professional can take on many roles. Life & divorce coaching solutions usually isn’t one a divorce attorney undertakes as an area of expertise, yet they will bill you for their time if you continue to use them for these professionals for those services.

process of divorce

A Complex Disentanglement of Emotional, Financial Decisions, and Social Relationships

In Harriet Lerner’s book “The Dance of Connection,” she says “Perhaps nothing leaves us more vulnerable than the threat of relationship loss. When we are drowning in emotions, it is impossible to think creatively or clearly. We may think we’re thinking, but in reality, we’re just reacting.”

If the threat of relationship loss and fear of divorce makes us unable to think about a vibrant future, then this relationship loss has already happened. It leaves many people confused with overwhelming emotions and unable to make a conscious choice of reality and self.

Mental Anxiety in Life After Divorce

During this period, it’s difficult for someone to think straight and make rational decisions even though the situation requires the person to make a multitude of decisions regarding your family, child custody, home, business, and even your future.

You’ll need to be making empowering decisions through all of your confusing emotions.

anxiety after divorce

Loneliness, fear of being a single parent, and fear that one would never emotionally recover from this are some of the confusing emotions almost every one of you will face, as I have too. Even more, is the fear of being judged by other people for having a broken marriage and feeling like a complete failure.

Even when your mind is at its calmest, it often feels like you can’t let go of the million questions running wild –

  • How will I manage the legal paperwork?
  • When will I ever feel better and find my sparkling future?
  • What would be my control over my outcomes?
  • Where will my children go to school?
  • Will I remain in touch with my fantastic friends?
  • What happens to my relationship with the ‘other’ family relatives?
  • What will my life look like in six months or one year from today?
  • How will I afford to live?
  • And who I’m now without my spouse?

You’re Not Alone in This Business of Divorce and a Coach Will Show You Why

I’m a coach working with others just like you contemplating a divorce or who have already started their journey separating from their spouse. More importantly, I’ve been divorced myself and experienced first-hand everything that we’re talking about here.

Believe me when I say that I asked myself every one of these questions and sometimes dwelled on them as well.

What I needed at the time was some kind of help to handle those emotions and anxiety, manage my days, and eventually learn how to move forward with my life.

Like many of you, luckily, I had friends and family that held my hand, called me several times and talked hours upon hours, and listened to me. Family and friends were a lifeline and I couldn’t have made it out without them.

However, they were not always impartial. Sometimes they would be angry on my behalf, they saw my struggles and would worry for me. Sometimes I needed them to back away and leave me alone. Sometimes I wanted to talk to someone who didn’t want to protect me “just because” and would give me some “tough-love” to move on.

What I needed at the time was someone who was independent, non-judgmental, and in whom I could confide my deepest worries and fears. Someone who would help me imagine a new and better future with all the changes in my life and motivate me to face the future head-on towards this new vision.

What Makes Divorce Coaching Worth the Time Investment for Someone Like YOU

invest in divorce coaching for a happier life

A certified divorce coach can help a person going through pre-divorce, divorce, and post-divorce issues.

This professional assesses a person’s personal situation to help them avoid procrastination and remove roadblocks that are preventing them from moving forward by implementing new strategies into their life.

A coach isn’t a replacement for a therapist though. Each has its own area of responsibility and knowledge.

The reason a family law attorney may recommend their clients to divorce coaches is that divorce coaches do the non-legal work that divorce law professionals typically don’t do, neither have the time to do or the specialty training to help their clients through this time of transition. Divorce lawyers recognize the crucial role coaches play, especially in areas of emotion, communication, and organization of issues that will eventually help a person get through the process successfully. Your attorney will continue to handle all legal aspects and giving you legal advice for your family situation.

Divorce recovery coaches are independent third parties of the divorce attorney. Their service throughout the divorce process will provide guidance, encouragement, advice, and motivation. The beauty of coaching a life through a divorce is that clients can choose what areas they want help making positive choices, including issues inherent in pre-divorce, divorce, and post-divorce stages.

Pre Divorce Coaches Advice

  • An assessment of the marriage – determine whether to work on the marriage, pursue separation or divorce
  • Acknowledging the loss of an intimate relationship
  • Avoiding the minefield of divorce
  • Create an action plan for family and children
  • Assessing the counseling needs of the spouse(s) and/or children
  • Preparing for the divorce journey that is ahead
  • Steps to take before initiating the divorce process

Practical Guidance During the Divorce

During divorce coaching, while the case is front and center and in the midst of being decided, the investment you’re making in divorce coaching is to…

  • Help the client build an appropriate support system
  • Help the client gather all financial information and documents which will later be used by a legal counsel or any other advisor
  • Walk with the client as they plan for financial and personal needs for themselves and their children
  • Discuss with the client the different types of divorce when divorce is imminent. Some of the questions would include whether both spouses agree or not regarding the kind of divorce. (This could consist of a negotiated divorce-easiest and least expensive among them all, separation, mediation, arbitration, contested divorce).
  • Help the client to separate emotions from the business of divorce and also help them think and communicate rationally rather than emotionally. Encourage sound decision-making.
  • Facilitate the selection of a professional team that will regularly include a legal representative such as an attorney, counselor/psychologist or pastoral support, a certified financial analyst, and a business advisor.
  • Encourage cooperation and help the client set fair and reasonable goals for the divorce settlement.
divorce coaching worth the investment

Post Divorce Life Coaching Solutions for Your Situation

  • A coach helps a client set long and short term goals and establish a roadmap for attaining them
  • Most coaches have gone through a divorce themselves and can, therefore, act as a voice of experience
  • Divorce can be a scary and painful catalyst for change. From a personal point, it allows growing and learning.

So Let’s Ask Ourselves, is the Cost and Energy of Divorce Coaching Worth the Investment?

happy after divorce

As a coach helping clients throughout the country, it’s always rewarding to experience that synergy with the coach-client-attorney relationship, and other professionals in the model of divorce.

Once you decide that the investment of divorce coaching is the best value you may ever realize by moving through divorce or separation with strength, resilience, dignity, and redefining your life once again.

Divorce Coaching Worth the Investment? Yes!

The job of a divorce coach is to offer non-judgemental guidance in a safe environment so that you can focus on what really matters to you. They will help you evaluate your life, evaluate your choices, redefine yourself, and help you in creating your vision so that you can create the new and energetic future you deserve.

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Mike Mwangi

Most people will agree with me that divorce is a very difficult time. And for me, I’ve taken the path of helping people through this transition of life by giving them information that will make their lives a lot less stressful as they adjust. I work in a legal research role with Divorce Mistakes Network and have assisted leading law firms with research and delivering relevant content for those facing divorce. Whether lawyer, law firm, or other divorce-related professionals (mediators, financial advisors, accountants, therapists, counselors, etc) I help bridge the gap between legal minds and those affected by divorce. Let’s connect with ideas for content that helps everyone successfully conquer divorce.

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